how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
