I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
