thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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