Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
