my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
