I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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