she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
