right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
