I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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