after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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