I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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