Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
