are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
