so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You were trust falling into bushes
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
