Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
