I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
