Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
