Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
