my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
