just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
