Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There's always time for handjobs
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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