everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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