All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
