He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
