The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
