"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
