New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
