shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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