worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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