Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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