i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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