I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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