Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
