I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
