i think my mom watched the whole time
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
