a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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