Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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