There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
