She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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