I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I had to cum in my sink.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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