fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
