We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
