69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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