I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
