GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
