i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
