just come out here and I will go home with you...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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