spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
