i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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