i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
