I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
