you're like a bully in the Christmas story
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
